Conflict Resolution

I loved my pastor’s sermon last Sunday. I especially took notice of the scripture reference Mark 3:25 “If a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand”. Unfortunately, not just churches struggle with the issue of being divided by conflict. Non-Profit Organizations, Schools, Universities, Ministries and Businesses also struggle with conflict among its members. I personally found similarities between what pastor was teaching when collaborating with large communities of people in our Leadership business. One of the leaders we work with says, “More animals in the barn – more dodo to deal with.” And that is SO true.

I believe Satan uses this tool especially when it comes to doing anything that would bring God glory. We have found that the bigger an organization gets, the more opportunities for issues like this to arise. I say opportunities because that is exactly what they can be. It all depends on HOW we deal with the situation. Let me explain. In a book I recently re-visited, Resolved – 13 Resolutions for LIFE, I read “Conflict resolution is the best teachable moment for blind spots within one’s life”. We all have them, blind spots. It’s easy to see how others “should” act, but hard to see our roll in the conflict. We judge others by their actions and want to be judged by our intentions. In the book Leadership and Self Deception, I learned I need to recognize that we are all human, and therefore make mistakes, and say dumb things. If I want grace, I need to give grace to others. If I genuinely want to live the life God has called me to live, I will have to learn how to deal with conflict in a biblical manner. If I don’t, I could miss valuable lessons God may be trying to teach me, to grow me into the person He needs me to be. So, what are the biggest tools Satan uses to divide God’s people?

Gossip.

The Hebrew word translated “gossip” in the Old Testament is defined as “one who reveals secrets, one who goes about as a talebearer or scandalmonger.” A gossiper is a person who has privileged information about people and continues to reveal that information to those who have no business knowing it. Gossiping to others about your hurt while being unwilling to discuss with the party that hurt you. “If your brother sins against you, go and confront him while the two of you are alone. If he listens to you, you have won back your brother”. Matthew 18:15

Communication Triangulation

This happens when people try to draw others into the gossip from their unresolved conflict just to talk and/or complain; and not for the purpose of resolving the matter. Sometimes the gossip is hidden under the cover of “please pray for me” or “the other person” with no real interest in resolving the matter. Please don’t get me wrong. If we truly are in a situation and have been hurt or upset by something someone did or said, and we need prayer to work through it, all we have to say to a prayer warrior is “I am struggling with something, please pray for me” God knows what it is, we don’t need to air the details to people that are not going to be part of the solution!

So, the only reason I would talk to someone about my hurt/pain would be to the person who hurt me or someone who is or can be part of the solution. “But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses”. Matthew 18:16 I believe everyone should make it a rule that if he or she thinks about a hurt more than once, and is not able to forgive the other party, they will be courageous enough to address the issue promptly. How?

My next article will go through the 5 steps of conflict resolution I learned from Orrin Woodward.

Simply Put by Lori